Sign in at the office, grab a key to unlock the room. Drop my coat and my bag. Coffee in my hand. Grab the plans for the day. Shuffle papers. Look for the handouts. Flip through the teacher manual. Make copies. Affix my clip-on name tag --
SUBSTITUTE -- so the camera in the hall sees a teacher and not an unauthorized intruder. Then, finally, my name on the board in big chalk letters. M-S. H. Much easier than trying to get kids to say my name correctly. But the chalk lines are crooked. Erase and rewrite. Get the first taste of chalk dust on my tongue for the day. Watch the clock. 3... 2... 1...
BRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGG! Momentary silence. Then the thunder of students, like elephants in tap shoes, tromping up the stairs. Students clattering loudly into the room. "Who are you?!" they demand.
"I'll tell you after morning announcements so I don't have to repeat myself a hundred times," I say, smiling cheerfully at their questions. "Now then, don't you have things you need to do before then?"
They scurry off to breakfast, to turn in homework, to lockers and to their desks. The final bell. "Good morning, students and staff, here are your morning announcements..."
Deep breath. One last sip of coffee. I step up to the front of the classroom, twenty pairs of eyes following my every move. "Good morning boys and girls, my name is Ms. H, and I'm here to be your substitute for today. My goal is to have a good day with you and to leave your teacher the best report they've ever read. I want your teacher to be super impressed by how good you guys were. Think you can do that? I think so. So let's get started..."
They taught us, back in pedagogy courses, to be a firm presence when teaching a class. Don't smile. Don't laugh. Be strict. Stick to your plans and stick to the rules. Don't ever deviate from the plan. Kids will respect that.
That's all a load of crap, by the way.
...dreams aren't what they used to be
I did not become a teacher so I could be a friend to my students or be missed when I'm gone. I figured if I could get some grudging respect, at least I'd be able to function. I thought, perhaps, that once I had my own classroom maybe kids would like me, but as a substitute I more or less gave up on the dream of being liked. Substitute teachers are never liked anyway. We're merely tolerated. Yet, kids seem to like me and I don't really know why.
Spontaneous gifts are the currency of being liked. I accrue drawings. Little things that say "Ms. H is cool!" or "#1 Teacher!" in various states of misspelling. Acrostics of my name. On Halloween, Christmas, and Valentines Day, I accrue candy, cupcakes, and tiny cards. I've even got nicknames. I've been
hugged."You always smile, Ms. H! Most of our substitutes just glare and yell at us."
That's not entirely true, I think.
I just yelled at this class ten minutes ago for not following directions."You laugh, and you talk to us like we're real people. I know you'll listen if I have something to say."
That's not true either, I think.
I don't always laugh, and I didn't have time to listen to you tell me about your weekend just five minutes ago."You're like my mom, Ms. H. You're always patient with me and you never get angry when I make a mistake!"
I'm so glad I'm not your mother, I think.
I would likely lose my temper at you at least once a day if you were my kid.I have to admit, even on the worst day of teaching ever, I still like teaching. I still like working with kids. I still have fun. Nine times out of ten, I leave with a smile. They remind me of why I still want to work with them, and why I started my master's degree. Even if they're mine for only a day, they're my students. It's my job to make them feel wanted and welcome.
"Ms. H, are you going to be here tomorrow?"
... And someone is calling my name
"Ms. H!! Ohmygod I'm so glad you're here! I have to tell you..."
"Hi Ms. H! Did you miss me?"
"Ms. H! Ms. H! We have this other substitute teacher in my other class today. Could you teach that class too? I know I won't get in trouble today if you teach."
I reassure the first student that we can talk later. The second hears that I did miss him. The third is, unfortunately, disappointed because I have to teach another class. But I smile for each of them, a true smile. I'm glad they're happy to see me. I'm happy to see them, too.
... smile like you mean it
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This entry was written for Season 6, Topic 3 on of
therealljidol.
Thanks for reading!